On hypnosis and puppies

Sorry for the absence, we've had an odd couple of days. I went off my schedule due to household chaos and illness, and then we edited the schedule a little bit and I'm starting over on it today, just a little slowly.

I wanted to talk about two things today that I don't usually talk about to people who aren't my owner, mostly because I'm really ready to admit to them and try to stop feeling silly about it.

I have two particular fetishes that I rarely talk about. You probably think I'm pretty open about stuff, I'm keeping this really thorough blog, I have a robot fetish and kind of a housewife fetish, which are pretty odd but not completely off the map. The two that I'm actually shy about aren't even all that odd. But anyway, let me get to the point - I think writing this down will make me feel a lot better about it ...

Sometimes when my owner and I are out shopping we have kind of pervy moments in the pet sections of department stores. I mean that's pretty typical of a lot of D/s couples, go in the doggy section, try on some collars and leashes, whatever, but we take it a little farther than that. And I like it and it was my idea.

I've been a little more honest about this one than the other thing I intend to talk about because it just HAS to come out sometimes. To be a little more clear, I am NOT a furry, although there is an overlap. On the contrary, I just get really fired up over acting like and being treated like a puppy. I know it's not that odd, but for some reason I've always felt ashamed of it or just plain weird in spite of everything else I'm in to.

Example: Yesterday we were in a large department store known for its fondness for the color blue and smiley faces. My owner asked me if I wanted to go to the pet section, and I gave out a meek little 'yes'. Later I started fixating on how I felt like a bad person and that I was weird for enjoying pet stores a little too much. What my owner told me then was that that was a judgement that I feared others might place on me but there was no need to feel guilty. I'm still trying to take that to heart, which is why I'm writing about it.

Now, let's pause a moment and talk about this. What I feel about being a puppy is remarkably like, how, to use a blatant stereotype, rich and otherwise content 40 year old men feel about wearing women's underwear. This happens to everybody, even people who are already kinky. Everybody once in a while gets it into their head by way of social stigma that something they really like and want to act on is "not okay." It goes beyond kink - there's trans people of all kinds, furries, people who want to be intentionally transient - it's everywhere, and it's really kind of sad. If you want to do something bad enough, you just should, and get over the guilt and fear as you can. Do it until you're satisfied, and if there's a time that it doesn't work for you any more, stop. It's actually a sort of a Taoist concept. If you hold back on something and make it taboo, you give it more strength. If you just admit you want to do it and then just do it without fear, it feels a lot better, and eventually you can stop if you want to.

I believe I am done waxing philosophical. Now onto the next topic.

The other fetish I have that I don't talk about isn't something I'm necessarily
embarrassed about. In fact, it's something that I've known I've been into before I even knew what sex or arousal was. I just knew that it made me feel funny to see it on TV or think about it. But give me a break, I was like 6.

So, you know the Disney version of the Jungle Book? You know how Kaa keeps hypnotizing Mowgli? You know how that's INSANELY SEXY?

Okay, maybe that wasn't the best example, but you get what I mean. Yep. big ol' hypnofetishist here.

Seriously, as early as I can remember, there've been a million different kid's movies and TV shows that have an element of hypnotism. And I know that they put that in there because it's supposed to be an acceptable level of "scary" for small children, but um ... I definitely got sprung on more than one occasion. I didn't figure out what was happening to me or what that feeling was until much later in life, and when it finally clicked, I felt pretty damn stupid. It didn't seem unusual to me for a long time, until I started exploring more about kink in general, and I realized that it wasn't something everyone was into. Yes, there's a lot of people who are into it, but it wasn't like I was expecting, it's not something that almost everyone gets off on. For me, it's kind of what is sometimes defined as a "true kink" ... there HAS to be some element of control in order for me to get off.

There's something else I want to explain about this too - exactly WHY I find hypnotism and mind control so hot. I have always been more attracted to brains than bodies. I have a thing for nerds, well-read people, savants, specialists, and so forth. I appreciate a finely crafted human figure as much as the next guy, but the brain inside it is what really gets me going. Beyond that, the way that brains can be manipulated fascinates me. In this regard I mean as a hobbyist and not as a pervert. I find criminal psychology and victimology interesting. The Stanford Prison Experiment is one of my favorite things. I've spent a long time, for my own amusement, comparing Stockholm syndrome to consensual slave training. I know far more than I should, from both research and firsthand witnessing, about cult brainwashing. I know how the mind can be made vulnerable to suggestion, and I find it both fascinating and arousing. In short, minds are sexy, and I get off on people fucking around with mine. consensually of course. I'm not about to go seeking out Scientology just to get off on being brainwashed.

That being clarified, I'd like to say that in recent times (the last few weeks or so to be specific), I've been talking to my owner about this, because I realized I really want it to be a tool we can use for my training. Not only because I find it hot, but if we do our research and learn through the right channels how to be safe about it I believe posthypnotic suggestion would be very helpful in not only furthering my training but also in reducing the effects of my panic disorder. I'm not saying that I want to be made into a brainwashed slave with no will of my own - That would be fun as hell for a scene, but that's not what I want for the long term. What I mean is I want to be given posthypnotic suggestions to help me be more efficient and organized, more attentive to my owner, and less crippled by the panic and anxiety that years of subtle societal and parental conditioning have placed upon me, and to counteract the resulting and persistent feeling that I'm not doing good enough job or that I've done something wrong. I know that I could achieve these things on my own, without bringing hypnosis into our relationship, but the fact that I find it so damn sexy will make it that much easier on me. The thought has crossed my mind that it might be considered cheating, to use hypnosis to correct these things - but is it cheating if people go to a hypnotherapist to stop smoking or lose weight? It works, or at least I believe it does - I know many people don't see it as a valid method but I think that's largely because they don't understand the science of it - so why not use it, if it'll help me achieve my goal of being a more confident and capable submissive, and in turn a more confident and capable person overall, and also be a hell of a lot of fun in the process? That sounds SO much better to me than medicating myself into a stupor just so I don't have panic attacks rather than making it so I just don't have them.

What our plan is, what my owner and I have been discussing, is that I am to email this woman he knows through some friends and some work he's done. She's a professional Hypnodomme, with a solid education in hypnotherapy, and an excellent ethic about what she does. From what I've heard and read about her she really helps people while doing something she personally enjoys. It's the whole D/s as therapy thing, except she has a degree for it. Anyway, I'm to email her, tell her my situation and what I'd like to do about it - which is ideally to get some materials for my owner to work with and get him educated enough on the topic for him to be able to do the inductions himself, or alternately, if she thinks that's either unsafe or something she can't provide us with resources for, have her either write some scripts based on my needs so my owner can walk me through them or have her do the inductions herself. Obviously my ideal is REALLY my ideal, I don't know that I could trust anyone else the way I trust my owner, even if I do respect and admire this woman. From there I'll see what she has to say about it, and we'll work with what she gives me.

I've already been doing a lot of reading on the science of hypnosis, I've read a number of scripted inductions, and it's remarkable how similar they are to the way I've walked some people through guided meditations, so I already have an understanding of relaxation techniques. One of the inductions is actually almost spot-on with what I use for myself when I'm preparing myself for a chakra meditation. I feel like I already have a pretty broad understanding, and now the next step is helping my owner have an even greater understanding so we know we can do this safely and effectively. I realize it may take more effort than I'm anticipating, and I am anticipating quite a bit of effort will have to be taken on both our parts, but I'm prepared to make this move because it's just time to.

So far, so good

My first day with my new schedule is going pretty well so far. I've had to do a couple things out of order to accommodate for other people in the house but so far I've gotten quite a bit done. I'm really happy with this system! I feel a lot more secure.

Anyway, I realize some people are probably at least somewhat expecting there to be some kind of racy content on this blog, since it's a D/s blog, so to apologize for the lack of smut, I'd like to offer you a couple of hot pictures of some cute boys making out.

Enjoy!

Crash Report

Well, it's been an exciting couple of days, which came to a head with a bit of an emotional meltdown last night for my owner and I.

It started, basically, with my owner having a personal emotional issue over something that neither of us have any ability to fix at the present moment. However ridiculous it may sound, the fact that there is something that I really can't do for him no matter how hard I try, something that is completely realistically impossible for me to make better, hurts me deeper than you could ever imagine.

So, after I'd done my best to help him feel better, I kind of lost it.

I don't remember what set me off exactly, I think it must have been when he told me that I really am indispensable to him and I'm the thing in his life that makes him the most happy, I started sobbing and saying 'thank you' repetitively. Somehow that brought out a whole ton of other issues for me and we talked for a long time about a lot of things, beginning with how he gave me the exact thing that I want and need the most in order to be comfortable with myself, and that's the knowledge that I really am making an impact on someone, really helping, really doing the right thing, really being important. However much I'm aware of this, though, I know I could be doing better.

There's something you need to know about the way my mind works. I am one hundred percent devoted to my owner, and his happiness and well being is highly integral to my own, more so than making sure I eat enough or get to paint or crochet regularly, or do anything else that might make me feel happy or secure. That probably sounds terrifying to some people, but the simplicity of it is such a comfort - I take care of the wants and needs of one person to the best of my ability, and in exchange I get all the love and security I need, and more. The dark side of that, though, is any little mistake I make or anything that he needs that I actually can't do hurts me terribly, for no reason other than feeling horribly inadequate and worried sick for my owner. I know he's not going to leave me if I mess up, I know he's not going to love me any less, but I am so personally hellbent on being the absolute best submissive in the world, and more importantly, the absolute best submissive for him, that I beat myself up relentlessly when something happens to remind me that I'm not perfect, or even the best I can be, yet. It completely cripples me, for a while, when I make a mistake.

Here's what happens to me when I make a mistake: He corrects me. He doesn't do it in an unpleasant manner, he's really quite reasonable about correcting me. But once I've been corrected, no matter what sort of tone of voice he uses or the severity of my mistake, I spiral into this terrible self-deprecating loop and get completely absorbed in how I've done this positively horrible thing and I should have just known better and gotten it right the first time. Sometimes this comes with an instinctive, and really terrible, attempt to make it not my fault by any means necessary, mostly by making excuses. When I finally manage to stop doing that, it's worse - I feel like an absolute failure, for being an idiot, for doing he wrong thing in the first place, for trying to get out of it no matter how unintentional the attempt is, and for making him feel bad by feeling so horrible myself. I know it hurts him when he has to correct me, which is a large part of why it hurts me so much when I realize I've done something wrong.

Now, this all happens BEFORE I even manage to get up and fix whatever I'd done wrong, if it is indeed something that can be immediately set right. That's how fast it happens. It's instantaneous.

Eventually I do manage to come down and fix the mistake, but the guilt takes a long time to go away.

Anyway, that's part of what I was freaking out about last night. Overall, my major issue is that I'm not perfect, and I very desperately want to be, because if I was perfect, my owner's life would be that much better. The events that triggered my episode were very different from what I ended up actually beating myself up over, but that's generally how it works sometimes.

So now that I've rambled on a while, we did come to some conclusions, and it ended up being a productive conversation however emotional I was being. We decided that what I should start trying to do is to just switch modes, basically. When I get corrected, turn off the guilty conscience part of my head and go into compliant subspace and just do it, and have my issues later, and possibly that'll minimize the guilt once I've done that. My owner assures me that after I've completed correcting the mistake he'll be there if I need emotional support afterwards. We also discussed how it's not my responsibility to punish myself, it's his, and I should leave it to him, and therefore this massive amount of guilt for being not perfect is pretty useless. Also, we discussed the necessity and realities of training - if people could just instantly do everything exactly right there would be no need for training. It's pretty much exactly like training puppies - they don't come out all well behaved and housebroken, that takes work on part of both the owner and the puppy. I WILL eventually be as good as I want to be, because I really want to be, and I'm already pretty good.

My owner just finished writing my new schedule tonight, and I feel that that'll help immensely, since I'll know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing at any moment and will probably eliminate my anxiety about messing up at least a little bit.

All in all I feel that while it was not fun at all to fall apart like that, it was necessary and helpful in the end. Hopefully, more structure will minimize the frequency of my self-deprecating meltdowns.

Product Recomendation: Seventh Generation Diswashing Gel

Until as recently as two years ago I had never known the joy that is having a dishwasher in my home. At first I found it to be a miraculous amenity, simplifying my life immensely. Over time though, I began to realize what an utter pain in the posterior they can truly be.

My current dishwasher is an evil old bint. It catches partway through the cycle and the dial needs to be manually advanced every time. It also frequently becomes clogged, making my dishes filthier than they were when they went in, no matter how religiously I pre-rinse. I have tried several different dish detergents, all with the same horrific results, to the point where I returned to predominantly hand-washing all my dishes.

Then, I finally caved on my adamant refusal to become more of a hippie, and tried Seventh Generation Dishwasher Gel. I previously had an immediate distrust of "environmentally friendly" cleaners due to my experiences with them not actually getting anything clean, but my preconceptions were shattered when I switched to this product. It is the only dish detergent I have used in this godforsaken contraption thus far that:

-Doesn't smell like chlorine (it's chlorine-free, hooray!)
-Doesn't leave spots all over my glasses
-at least most of the time, rids my plastic cups of the nasty smell they tend to retain
-Prevents my dishwasher from getting clogged up so frequently
-Lasts me more than a month before I have to buy a new bottle

So, that being said, I'd like to remind everyone that I don't receive a single penny from Seventh Generation or any other company whose products I may in the future recommend, and everything I have to say here comes from my own experiences. So by all means, give it a try if what you're using now isn't working out for you.

On discpline

My owner asked me this morning to make a post about the necessity of punishment, and how we in particular handle it, which is of course different from a lot of D/s couples.

The first thing I'd like to say is something of a repeat of my last post. As a submissive, specifically one who is focused on the betterment of self rather than just having a good time, and also due to my own unique emotional needs, I really require some sort of punishment when I make a mistake. It makes me feel worse to not have that, because then the guilt I carry around for messing up just stays with me and never ends. It would honestly be very unethical for my owner to not administer some sort of punishment because what I do to myself in my own head is way worse.

My owner does not enjoy punishing me, and has no desire nor does he derive enjoyment from hurting me. This implies "hurt" in an emotional or psychological way, as opposed to other interpretations that do not apply due to the fact that I actually enjoy them. What he does enjoy is seeing me grow and learn, and the method which we use for my discipline has been jointly developed by both of us to bring about the results that we would BOTH like to see - a stopping point for my self imposed guilt, and a concrete intent to do better next time. I love my owner very much, and I don't want to ever give him a reason to be upset in any way, so I do my best to make sure that there's rarely a need for me to be disciplined. When I have to be, though, I know that I need it, for many reasons. In that sense, I want it. Because without discipline two things would occur: I would continue to feel incredibly guilty for whatever it was I had done wrong, and I wouldn't have the opportunity to improve upon myself in a concrete way as to not make the same mistake again.

To elaborate on the issue of my guilt - my owner's forgiveness, while still very important, doesn't fix it completely. The method that we use is intended to allow me to forgive myself, by paying some form of immediate penance.

I'd also like it to be known that we are not a D/s couple just for fun. The dynamic that we have and the way we've tailored it to our situation is for our mutual benefit. Living and operating in this manner has and will continue to be a way for me to improve myself and the quality of my owner's life.

Nothing about the way my owner Doms me has anything to do with a power trip or an ego boost. He handles me in this manner because he loves me and wants me to be the best version of myself possible, and I wholeheartedly agree with this desire. What he needs from me is support and asisstance in many areas of his own life so that he too can be at his best. I love my owner very much, and I'm very glad to be in his care and service. I can't imagine that there'd be anyone else in the world who would have even an inkling as to what to do with me. I honestly don't trust any other Doms. I shouldn't, anyway, because they're not my Doms, but the way I in particular need a Dom to be in order to be a good, healthy sub is exactly how my owner is - loving and compassionate in every way, even if I've been bad, and always with my best interests in mind. I am never abused or misused in any way, and every task assigned to me is always within my physical and emotional capabilities, even if it is challenging. All he wants of me is the best of me, and all I want from him is knowing that he's happy and comfortable and will always take good care of me in exchange for my effort.

I'm getting kind of mushy and flowery over this aren't I?

Well, coming soon, there will be posts on the following topics:
-Special Needs submissives; subs with physical, emotional, psychological and mental disabilities can be great subs too if you know how to take care of them and emphasize what they CAN do over what they can't. More on this later.
-A detailed post of my revised daily schedule that my owner is in the process of making for me.

Thanks for reading!

I was a bad robot

Malfunction, malfunction!

So, in my previous post, I alluded to some fun that was to be had in the kitchen on Thursday afternoon. To be more specific, the fun to be had involved me wearing nothing but my apron, bent over the kitchen sink (and probably the counters, the table, and on the floor too). The prerequisite for this was that the kitchen had to be clean, including the floor and the table. All of this was completed except for the table (which is honestly a huge endeavor, it sort of gets used as a catch-all for junk).

This fun did not happen. Not necessarily because the table was not clean, although that was a factor, but because I made a really dumb mistake.

The dumb mistake was that I scheduled a trip to get groceries (that I'd been trying to take care of for days before) that was in conflict with the kitchen date, because I assumed that getting the groceries should take priority, and I didn't ask my owner for clarification. This assumption got me in big trouble as he would have preferred I scheduled the grocery run a little later in order to make both possible. I didn't think about this as a possibility because the person who was giving me a ride was trying to piggyback that trip on another errand he had to run so I was attempting to make that work as well, which was also kind of stupid, because there honestly would have been time anyway.

So what ended up happening is I apologized profusely to the point of excess, cried a lot because I was ashamed of myself and upset because I offended my owner, and then when I managed to get it together, we talked about it.

What usually happens when I do something wrong is I apologize a lot, I figure out and explain how the mistake happened, and then come up with a way to do better next time. Then my owner decides on an appropriate punishment, and then we do a lot of hugging and cuddling and getting back to normal.

So I told my owner that I was confused about what should have taken priority and felt like I had to make a quick decision based on the immediate situation, and that decision ended up being wrong, because I hadn't asked for clarification earlier. And then I said that next time I would be sure to ask for clarification if I need it, as soon as I realize I need it.

So after that, my owner informed me that we would do it again next Thursday but until then he wants to see an even higher level of maintenance in the kitchen that should continue all week so that he knows I really want my reward. And then he told me to go wait for him in the kitchen, on my knees.

So I did. And he came in, and flicked me on the nose. And then I made some coffee, and we were okay.

Now I bet that sounds pretty silly, and kind of not a very harsh physical punishment at all, or kind of unnecessary since a punishment was already worked out. But there's a few things you need to know about why it was necessary in this manner:
1. I have serious comfort issues with anything being near my face. I can't even face the shower head when I'm taking a shower, the water hitting my face freaks me right out. So what might sound ridiculous to you was pretty unpleasant for me.
2. I'm a total pain-slut. So actually beating on me isn't gonna work, I like it too much.
3. I'm burdened with an INCREDIBLY guilty conscience. If nothing immediate and concrete happens that I can consider as my owner doling out a punishment, I will just keep feeling guilty about it forever and skulk around the house with my tail between my legs all day. If my owner was REALLY CRUEL and wanted me to suffer tremendously for my mistake, he wouldn't have to do anything. I do it to myself already. So by giving me a whap on the nose like that, it's more like letting out the release valve, so to speak. Emptying the cache. So if it ever seems like my owner is going easy on me for anything, just remember that I'm the amazing self-punishing submissive. That may sound like a real treat, but honestly, it's hard for him because he has to tread so lightly to make sure he doesn't overdo it. Personally I think he does a great job of working with my own personal abnormal psychology.


So there you have it, no matter how proud I am of what I do and how good I am at it, I still mess up, and this is a pretty textbook example of how it plays out.

My owner assures me that overall I am a very good boy by the way. :D

Behold the power of positive reinforcement

So I just got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor with a sponge and a mixture of hot water and vinegar.

Wanna guess what it was that my owner suggested doing in the kitchen tomorrow afternoon that inspired this behavior?

Here's a hint: Tupperware party it ain't.

Amigurumi Lobster ready for download!

Hey you guys!



The pattern for this month, the amigurumi (crocheted plush) lobster, is completed and ready for purchase. You can get it over here, on Lulu.com.

Next month I'll have pattern for a crocheted viking hat for you!

For those who may be waiting

The pattern for the crocheted lobster is finished, but it won't be available til tomorrow afternoon as I need to find my camera to take a photo of the finshed product. Sit tight til then!

Good afternoon!

Hey all!

Just so you know, I added the donation button today. The craft pattern of the month is a cute crocheted lobster - I will be completing the pattern today and posting pictures tonight. You can go ahead and donate now if you want, and the pattern will be sent to you as soon as I get it typed up, or you can wait until tomorrow.

So, today, my projects are the following:
-Get the kitchen spotless. There are a number of dishes in the sink today.
-Take care of the houseplants, especially the rosebush, which is slowly returning from the brink of death due to an infestation.
-Clean the rat cage. They are stinky critters presently.
-Finsh and type the crocheted lobster pattern.
-Take a photo of the lobster.
-Make a dent in the laundry that is piling up.

Things that will be occuring soon are:
-A post detailing my training and daily schedule
-Some soapboxing on my feelings about being a submissive
-photos of lots of things
-How to make household cleaners that won't give you cancer
-An opportunity to write in with questions for me

I'll be back later!

Welcome!

Hello all, and welcome to the Stepford Boyfriend! I am your host of the same name, and this blog exists for your entertainment and education.

I, the Stepford Boyfriend, am a 25-year-old, 24/7 live-in submissive. I serve my owner in mostly a domestic service capacity, keeping the house clean and comfortable. I enjoy cleaning - I especially obsess over keeping the kitchen spotless. In addition to cleaning obsessively, I also do an immense amount of crafting. Most of my creations are idiosyncratic for their respectve media, to say the least.

I personally adhere to the code of the ideal mid-20th-century American housewife, mostly because it closely mirrors my own values as a 24/7 submissive, and at least partially for the irony. I definitely feel that this lifestyle is not for everyone, and honestly I'm even surprised that it works so well for me. Previous to my placement in this role I would have never believed it would suit me this well, but now I have next to no desire to live any other way.

My owner and I are different from many other 24/7 D/s couples, and as such, this blog will be very different from most submissive blogs available for public viewing on the internet. Keep that in mind as you follow the progress of the site.

This blog is a regular recording of the aforementioned aspects of my life as well as a home for my craft ideas and household cleaning and maintenance tips. Every month there will be an opportunity to obtain one of my very special craft patterns or recipes in exchange for a small $3 donation to keep the site running - I promise you'll find it to be money well spent, especially if you're like me in the sense that you can't resist a crocheted squid or a pirate-themed apron.

I haven't yet decided on the frequency of my posts but I intend to have something up at least every other day. With that in mind, check back soon to se what I have to show you!